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Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Missing Someone. . .

My whole life was built up for this moment.  I tried so hard to come where I am today and I cannot let it go.  However, having no one of the people you love next to you moments like this it gets harder and frustrating.  Do you ever have that feeling when you just want to see someone and give them a big hug so that it will ease what you are going through?  I feel it all the time.  I have chosen to be where I am, I make my own decisions, but I miss them.  I miss them a lot.  It gets hard, but it can only gets better I guess.

Sometimes, it is heartbreaking, because there are moments you want to share, but you can't.  My family, my friends are the most important people in my life.  My friends! I miss them so much.  I have never felt this loved before.  In my whole life, I was living in a joke and a lie.  I could never be myself, because I thought no one would like me as I am.  Such a lie.

A lot of people went from 'friends' to enemies or to just completely strangers.  I have pushed a lot of them away, mostly because I knew that if they knew me better they would not like who I was.  Truth is, I was with the wrong people and I made bad choices that lead me to be with none of them today.  I was young and I did not know what was the right choice

for me.  It doesn't matter who you've known the longest, but who would never leave you when things got bad.  They would stick with you, support you and with no judgement.  Those who came and stayed are the most precious pieces and parts that complete me and my life.

When I was a teen, I used to cry all the time and my 'friends' were the main reason.  I never felt, that I fit in their world, maybe because I was 'handling' them in the wrong way.  I never knew how to act or who to be when I was with them.  I was unhappy then, but I am happy now.

I miss my friends, but I'm here because of them and for them.  I finally feel that I have someone to feel proud of me.  I am who I am  and they would never try and change me.  It's a nice feeling.  I want them to be proud. I want to look in their eyes, one day, and see the sparkle that will make me feel proud of myself and who I have become.  I miss them, I do and I will never stop missing them, but my 'walk' has just started.  As long as they walk it with me, no matter the distance [or no distance], I will only get further and further.

This is finally me and I like who I am, but I owe most part of it to them, because they accepted me with all my flaws.  This is how it should be - always being yourself, so the right people will love you - and am very thankful they are in my life.

This is for them..

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